Words...

like shoes, matter. They wound and heal. They can share your fears, loves, joy, sorrow. They give and they take away. They love and they break hearts. When they are whispered, they can make you smile with delight or blush with embarrassment. When shouted, they can excite and encourage or destroy and incite. They save you and they escape you. They can be heaven and they can be hell.

I have a love/hate relationship with words. Their meanings seem to change depending on who is using them. Their relevance decided by the youngest among us. We can manipulate and convince folks that lies are truth. Sometimes, I can't find the right ones, good or bad, to tell you exactly what I'm trying to tell you. Frustrating, that's a word that fits. 

I remember being young and thinking the descriptors my parents used were, like totally gross. Can you imagine saying "You dig, man?" or "That's so groovy!" Conversely, I cringed when my mom would use our current vernacular.  "Jump back" out of my mom's mouth would make me roll my eyes. And now, some of the phrases my stepdaughters' use would be absolutely mangled in my mouth. They say "extra" to describe things not just ask for more mayo for their fries. It's all very confusing and makes me feel so antiquated.

I have noticed, though, that some words which have always had the same definitions, important words, heavy word, have now become throw-aways. Due to overuse or incorrect context (in my opinion), their meaning is diminished. So much so, that when we use them as they were originally intended, they can't express our depth of feeling or our intent. And we're left without the words we need.

Friend. Best friend. Remember what those meant before the age of social media? Best friend is the first person I told when I got my period and lost my virginity. Best friends are the ones who showed up when my dad died, when I lost my babies, when I had a hysterectomy. They were there when I found my big, crazy love. They cheered for me from afar when I married. They are on my team, even when I'm not, 

They've also shared everyday little things.Their friendship is made up of thousands of moments and memories. They've been there and done that with and for and to you. They hold your memories. They are gentle with your heart and your mind, but they are also a leopard print shoe in the tush when you need it. You have argued and disagreed and taken breaks from each other, but you always, always find your way back, because that's what true and loyal and real friendship is made of. You find it hard to have a new "best friend" when you've had a real one. (Of course, a life change can create an opportunity for a new best friend.) You find it impossible to use the phrase so easily when you've experienced the love of a kindred spirit.    

Friend or best friend has now become a "confirm" click on a keyboard. Instead of years in the trenches with someone, sharing and trusting, it's a thumbs up. If we get real, some of our "friends" on social media are really just people we knew whose life we want to search. We want to see if we are better, smarter, more successful than they are. We want to complain about their world views, they hairdos, and what they are up to. We are friends in order to pick them apart. 

So friendship has devolved into simply a pass-time. A word with less meaning. Best friends change daily. They become the person in the latest selfie with you or who you spending time with this weekend. I'm concerned that if the word loses its meaning, soon friendship will too. I hear words like "we're close friends" and what that means is "we talked crap about the same person" or "we sat beside each other at a ballgame".

There are times when I think the word "friend" simply isn't big enough. It doesn't say everything I need it to say. I also think that about the word "love". We use the same word to describe how we feel about ice cream as we do about how we feel about our dogs. We love our spouses and our children, but not in the same way. I love my bed. I love moisturizer. I love my husband. Those things are not equal, yet one word is all we have to describe how we feel. I'm thinking that started long ago, just like what we're doing with words like "friend". It meant something big, something particular and then we decided to toss it around like candy at the end of a parade route.

I looooove that chair. I looooove you man. I'll love you forever. Love isn't a big enough word for how I feel about my husband. I try to think of words that do describe it and find my vocabulary lacking. What if we had different words that described the love of a friend, how you love your pets, what you feel for you children? They would be so specific and so precious, we'd all understand. We'd all know what you meant when you said it. No confusion. And you would feel satisfied when you used the word that their depth or type of feeling was being clearly expressed. 

Literally...don't get me started on that. Unless you are in that moment dying, you aren't literally dying. Hater is used to describe anyone who doesn't agree with you, not necessary someone who hates. Hero is someone who bounces a ball and also someone who defends our country. Patriot, well that's anyone who agrees with our politics and yells it loud enough. We've robbed these words of their intended use.

Words need their weight. They have to have heft and intensity and poignancy. They must have true meaning. We are charged with making them do their jobs. We must keep them real and true. We can't just toss them out without their definitions motivating their use and keep ourselves true to their purpose. We need to find ourselves more frequently at a loss for them instead of just grabbing on and using them without thought. Even me. There's really no hell here. Not in my life or my writing. Fresh or otherwise. There's literally friends and best friends instead of hell. And always the search for the word that explains love.