as hell, apparently. It's not as if I didn't know I've gained weight. It's not as if I don't see myself in the mirror after I get out of the shower. It's not as if I don't realize my clothes don't fit. I'm aware of my weight gain. I'm also aware that I'm 47 years and 7 months old and my skin is sagging; I have sun damage on my face; I have wrinkles around my eyes and between my eyebrows and across my forehead. I am aware of all these things. Trust me. But why do strangers, friends-of-friends, people I might know because they know my people feel comfortable telling me I'm fat and wrinkly? Oh right, they're trying to help, and it's on social media so it doesn't count.
We've all received the friend request from a person whose name seems familiar. We check with whom they are friends and find commonality, so we accept the request. They aren't looking to be friends; they are looking to improve your life (a life they know nothing about) by making you look younger or keeping you from being so dang fat. Yes, I can unfriend them or unfollow them, but the damage has been done. I've already read what you think of me. You think I'm not enough the way I am. You think I need improvement.
Let me be clear, I appreciate the hustle. I love that you are providing for your family. Hats off to you. I'm not talking about the people with whom I'm actual friends posting offers on their timeline. It's THEIR timeline. Get your money, honey. I'm talking about folks who don't really know me sending me direct messages or a friend request, so they can sell to me.
Maybe you've seen me walking my dogs and noticed my butt is big. Maybe you've seen me in the grocery store in yoga pants and my husband's t-shirts, because my clothes are so uncomfortable I can't wear them, and I refuse to buy another size, because I know how to get in shape (move more, eat better) and am determined to do it. Maybe you just saw my face in my profile picture and thought it to be a little too round. Thought that I could use some help. I'm sure you had my best interest at heart. I'm sure you were thinking of a bill you needed to pay, and this is your job, so you should be doing it. I'm sure you wouldn't walk up to my chubby, lined face on the street and tell me I'm looking old and you have the solution or I'm looking overweight and you can help with that problem. I'm sure of this, because no one has done that. But scrolling Facebook, you felt comfortable offering (inadvertent?) subtle criticism along with a your simple solution.
What you didn't see, I'm assuming, in that picture is my genuine happiness. My husband loves me. All of me. And I may not be thrilled with my body, but after lots of hard work mentally and emotionally, I love me too. Do I want to BE fit and healthier? Yes. Does that mean "skinny"? No. A weight loss plan that doesn't including moving more is just weight loss. It's not a healthier lifestyle. It's not making me stronger. It's not building muscle and helping my balance, which will truly serve me as I age. It's just simply looking better, so maybe people who don't know me won't think of me as fat anymore.
What you also don't see is the hysterectomy scar running most of the length of my stomach. I got that scar last August. I went into the hospital and they cut me open like a c-section, but we didn't leave with a baby. Nope. I left brokenhearted, feeling a little less like a woman, mourning the loss of potential motherhood via my own body, this time for sure and forever. My husband left with a wife who was sad and broken and he unable to fully remedy it.
So I ate and I sat on my ever-growing butt. After a hysterectomy you literally feel the empty space where your uterus once lived. Your organs feel like they are moving to fill in the spot that's now empty. Did you know that? Sitting here, writing this nearly a year out, I can feel it. That blank space. So, I tried to fill that emptiness with the S'mores blizzards and cake and potato chips. That obviously doesn't work.
See, I know how I got into this shape. You don't. You weren't here for that journey. I appreciate your wanting to help me reach my goal weight, lose 40 pounds in 40 days, de-bloat my belly. But I don't need that. I don't need someone else commenting on my body, because for several months now, I've been telling myself how disgusting my stomach looks. How jiggly my thighs are. How my butt looks like it has a shelf on each side. I've been avoiding going out because of it. I've said it, and your simple offer, says that to me. As unfair as of me to feel that way it might be, it does. I know I'm reading a lot into a blanket sales pitch, but that's how communication works, it's what the listener gets out of it. I get out of that "marketing" that I'm overweight and need help.
My value isn't my weight, I tell myself. You're the sexiest woman I know, says my husband. You look so pretty, say my stepdaughters. But somehow, your voice telling me I need to lose weight and do it fast is louder. That's my fault, not yours. You're just doing your job. You're just trying to help. But I gotta do it myself for myself.
Here's my point, if you don't know me, don't friend request me to sell me weight loss products or anti-aging products. I have real friends who are selling the same thing, as do most folks on Facebook. If I want that kind of help, I'll get it from them. Again, if we're friends, SELL YOUR STUFF. No harm. It's the stranger whose intention is to remind me that I need improvement, physically, that can cause hurt.
Today while walking my dogs (and picking up their poo - my goodness DO THAT if you have dogs. Geez, I shouldn't have to say that but my lawn says otherwise), two women in two different vehicles smiled enormous smiles as I crossed the street. One gave me a huge wave. Two women I don't know. While I was walking and trying to remain invisible, ball cap pulled down, over-sized shirt to cover my butt and gut, feeling fat because another person sent a message telling me they could help me lose weight, these woman saw my face. They saw it and smiled. True, real smiles. I walked a little faster. I held my chin up a little more. I felt encouraged.
So maybe do that. Encourage each other. Send me a message saying you think I'm doing great. Or send one that says you are struggling and need lifted up. I promise you, I'll encourage you in anyway you want me to. I will give you my best smile and a big wave and a "way to go, I see you working at your goals". I'll most certainly be cheering you as you walk through your hell. I'll not focus on your scars and wrinkles and weight, I'll be too busy cheering your success and joys to even notice.
Again, I'm not against the hustle. I struggle with strangers acting like friends to sell me something to change my body when I've not asked for it. That hurts. It shouldn't, but it does. Perhaps just think about it for a moment before you hit the friend request button.
Tuesday, June 11, 2019
Wednesday, February 6, 2019
Words...
like shoes, matter. They wound and heal. They can share your fears, loves, joy, sorrow. They give and they take away. They love and they break hearts. When they are whispered, they can make you smile with delight or blush with embarrassment. When shouted, they can excite and encourage or destroy and incite. They save you and they escape you. They can be heaven and they can be hell.
I have a love/hate relationship with words. Their meanings seem to change depending on who is using them. Their relevance decided by the youngest among us. We can manipulate and convince folks that lies are truth. Sometimes, I can't find the right ones, good or bad, to tell you exactly what I'm trying to tell you. Frustrating, that's a word that fits.
I remember being young and thinking the descriptors my parents used were, like totally gross. Can you imagine saying "You dig, man?" or "That's so groovy!" Conversely, I cringed when my mom would use our current vernacular. "Jump back" out of my mom's mouth would make me roll my eyes. And now, some of the phrases my stepdaughters' use would be absolutely mangled in my mouth. They say "extra" to describe things not just ask for more mayo for their fries. It's all very confusing and makes me feel so antiquated.
I have noticed, though, that some words which have always had the same definitions, important words, heavy word, have now become throw-aways. Due to overuse or incorrect context (in my opinion), their meaning is diminished. So much so, that when we use them as they were originally intended, they can't express our depth of feeling or our intent. And we're left without the words we need.
Friend. Best friend. Remember what those meant before the age of social media? Best friend is the first person I told when I got my period and lost my virginity. Best friends are the ones who showed up when my dad died, when I lost my babies, when I had a hysterectomy. They were there when I found my big, crazy love. They cheered for me from afar when I married. They are on my team, even when I'm not,
They've also shared everyday little things.Their friendship is made up of thousands of moments and memories. They've been there and done that with and for and to you. They hold your memories. They are gentle with your heart and your mind, but they are also a leopard print shoe in the tush when you need it. You have argued and disagreed and taken breaks from each other, but you always, always find your way back, because that's what true and loyal and real friendship is made of. You find it hard to have a new "best friend" when you've had a real one. (Of course, a life change can create an opportunity for a new best friend.) You find it impossible to use the phrase so easily when you've experienced the love of a kindred spirit.
Friend or best friend has now become a "confirm" click on a keyboard. Instead of years in the trenches with someone, sharing and trusting, it's a thumbs up. If we get real, some of our "friends" on social media are really just people we knew whose life we want to search. We want to see if we are better, smarter, more successful than they are. We want to complain about their world views, they hairdos, and what they are up to. We are friends in order to pick them apart.
So friendship has devolved into simply a pass-time. A word with less meaning. Best friends change daily. They become the person in the latest selfie with you or who you spending time with this weekend. I'm concerned that if the word loses its meaning, soon friendship will too. I hear words like "we're close friends" and what that means is "we talked crap about the same person" or "we sat beside each other at a ballgame".
There are times when I think the word "friend" simply isn't big enough. It doesn't say everything I need it to say. I also think that about the word "love". We use the same word to describe how we feel about ice cream as we do about how we feel about our dogs. We love our spouses and our children, but not in the same way. I love my bed. I love moisturizer. I love my husband. Those things are not equal, yet one word is all we have to describe how we feel. I'm thinking that started long ago, just like what we're doing with words like "friend". It meant something big, something particular and then we decided to toss it around like candy at the end of a parade route.
I looooove that chair. I looooove you man. I'll love you forever. Love isn't a big enough word for how I feel about my husband. I try to think of words that do describe it and find my vocabulary lacking. What if we had different words that described the love of a friend, how you love your pets, what you feel for you children? They would be so specific and so precious, we'd all understand. We'd all know what you meant when you said it. No confusion. And you would feel satisfied when you used the word that their depth or type of feeling was being clearly expressed.
Literally...don't get me started on that. Unless you are in that moment dying, you aren't literally dying. Hater is used to describe anyone who doesn't agree with you, not necessary someone who hates. Hero is someone who bounces a ball and also someone who defends our country. Patriot, well that's anyone who agrees with our politics and yells it loud enough. We've robbed these words of their intended use.
Words need their weight. They have to have heft and intensity and poignancy. They must have true meaning. We are charged with making them do their jobs. We must keep them real and true. We can't just toss them out without their definitions motivating their use and keep ourselves true to their purpose. We need to find ourselves more frequently at a loss for them instead of just grabbing on and using them without thought. Even me. There's really no hell here. Not in my life or my writing. Fresh or otherwise. There's literally friends and best friends instead of hell. And always the search for the word that explains love.
I have a love/hate relationship with words. Their meanings seem to change depending on who is using them. Their relevance decided by the youngest among us. We can manipulate and convince folks that lies are truth. Sometimes, I can't find the right ones, good or bad, to tell you exactly what I'm trying to tell you. Frustrating, that's a word that fits.
I remember being young and thinking the descriptors my parents used were, like totally gross. Can you imagine saying "You dig, man?" or "That's so groovy!" Conversely, I cringed when my mom would use our current vernacular. "Jump back" out of my mom's mouth would make me roll my eyes. And now, some of the phrases my stepdaughters' use would be absolutely mangled in my mouth. They say "extra" to describe things not just ask for more mayo for their fries. It's all very confusing and makes me feel so antiquated.
I have noticed, though, that some words which have always had the same definitions, important words, heavy word, have now become throw-aways. Due to overuse or incorrect context (in my opinion), their meaning is diminished. So much so, that when we use them as they were originally intended, they can't express our depth of feeling or our intent. And we're left without the words we need.
Friend. Best friend. Remember what those meant before the age of social media? Best friend is the first person I told when I got my period and lost my virginity. Best friends are the ones who showed up when my dad died, when I lost my babies, when I had a hysterectomy. They were there when I found my big, crazy love. They cheered for me from afar when I married. They are on my team, even when I'm not,
They've also shared everyday little things.Their friendship is made up of thousands of moments and memories. They've been there and done that with and for and to you. They hold your memories. They are gentle with your heart and your mind, but they are also a leopard print shoe in the tush when you need it. You have argued and disagreed and taken breaks from each other, but you always, always find your way back, because that's what true and loyal and real friendship is made of. You find it hard to have a new "best friend" when you've had a real one. (Of course, a life change can create an opportunity for a new best friend.) You find it impossible to use the phrase so easily when you've experienced the love of a kindred spirit.
Friend or best friend has now become a "confirm" click on a keyboard. Instead of years in the trenches with someone, sharing and trusting, it's a thumbs up. If we get real, some of our "friends" on social media are really just people we knew whose life we want to search. We want to see if we are better, smarter, more successful than they are. We want to complain about their world views, they hairdos, and what they are up to. We are friends in order to pick them apart.
So friendship has devolved into simply a pass-time. A word with less meaning. Best friends change daily. They become the person in the latest selfie with you or who you spending time with this weekend. I'm concerned that if the word loses its meaning, soon friendship will too. I hear words like "we're close friends" and what that means is "we talked crap about the same person" or "we sat beside each other at a ballgame".
There are times when I think the word "friend" simply isn't big enough. It doesn't say everything I need it to say. I also think that about the word "love". We use the same word to describe how we feel about ice cream as we do about how we feel about our dogs. We love our spouses and our children, but not in the same way. I love my bed. I love moisturizer. I love my husband. Those things are not equal, yet one word is all we have to describe how we feel. I'm thinking that started long ago, just like what we're doing with words like "friend". It meant something big, something particular and then we decided to toss it around like candy at the end of a parade route.
I looooove that chair. I looooove you man. I'll love you forever. Love isn't a big enough word for how I feel about my husband. I try to think of words that do describe it and find my vocabulary lacking. What if we had different words that described the love of a friend, how you love your pets, what you feel for you children? They would be so specific and so precious, we'd all understand. We'd all know what you meant when you said it. No confusion. And you would feel satisfied when you used the word that their depth or type of feeling was being clearly expressed.
Literally...don't get me started on that. Unless you are in that moment dying, you aren't literally dying. Hater is used to describe anyone who doesn't agree with you, not necessary someone who hates. Hero is someone who bounces a ball and also someone who defends our country. Patriot, well that's anyone who agrees with our politics and yells it loud enough. We've robbed these words of their intended use.
Words need their weight. They have to have heft and intensity and poignancy. They must have true meaning. We are charged with making them do their jobs. We must keep them real and true. We can't just toss them out without their definitions motivating their use and keep ourselves true to their purpose. We need to find ourselves more frequently at a loss for them instead of just grabbing on and using them without thought. Even me. There's really no hell here. Not in my life or my writing. Fresh or otherwise. There's literally friends and best friends instead of hell. And always the search for the word that explains love.
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
What would you do...
if that thing, the belief that winds you up and makes you raise your fist, was suddenly gone? I'm talking about you winning your cause, then what would you do? What if the fire in your belly was suddenly put out? Would you become part of the solution or would you find a fresh hell?
My timeline is absolutely full of people posting what they are "pro" or "anti". Guns, family, America, walls, Veterans, confederate flags... and on and on and on. What if the thing you are PRO or ANTI (capitol letters, hundreds of memes, "I hate..."), was resolved in your favor? Then what?
The thing I'm seeing most lately is anti-abortion or pro-life. There's a difference, you realize? At least to me. In the broadest of terms, anti-abortion means you don't believe any abortion should ever be performed. Pro-life means believing all lives are sacred and it's our duty to care about all those lives. Even if we don't look like that person, agree with the person, their lives are still something we cherish. No matter what they have done, if you say all lives are sacred then you certainly must behave that way. Right?
I'm not here to talk about abortion or anti-abortion. I'm not going to try to convince you to think one way or the other. I'm not going to judge anyone for believing what they believe. I'm here to talk about calling oneself "pro-life" when one really means "anti-abortion". I'm asking you what you are really doing to make an abortion unnecessary for someone else? I'm asking you what are you really doing to help the women who are making the decision in this moment whether to terminate their pregnancy? Are you actively part of the helping or simply doing the judging?
I see many rants/pictures/reposts of absolute rage and hatred towards women who have abortions. I see "murderer" "trash" and "sluts". I read comments from women saying if they met a women who had an abortion they would "beat the $hit" out of them. Women who have abortions should be stabbed, shot, drowned, tortured and burned. If you are "pro-life" how do you reconcile that with wanting to kill women?
I've read stories of women who have chosen to terminate a late-term pregnancy because their child would come into the world gagging and clawing for air, seizing and writhing in pain. I've read about men who've had to chose who dies... their wife or their baby. I've read about a mother choosing to save her own life because when she said she'd do anything for her children, she had to pick between dying for one and living to take care of the others. And I've read the comments. The absolute hate and vitriol and "I would never" from women and men who have no idea what that must have felt like. Instead of "Christ-like love", I see hate on a demonic level. Jesus forgives, but commenters don't.
I read posts about people marching and I wonder how many crisis nurseries the money spent (fuel, hotels, airfare, food) could fund. I see the protesters outside of abortion providers and wonder if there isn't a more helpful way they could spend their time...a way that could actually provide a solution for a woman who believes this is her only choice.
I read the posts online and I wonder what else that person is doing to help. Because frankly, posting hate and rage and passing along information that is sometimes true and sometimes propaganda doesn't seem to be ending abortion.
If you really want to end abortion, truly end it, outlawing it won't do it. It just won't; women will have them illegally. So you're not really ending abortions, you're just ending legal abortions. What if we focused our time and energy and money on making abortions due to economic situations unnecessary? What if we created a true alternative? You can say adoption, but look at all the kids in foster care who never are adopted. Look at kids with special needs who can't find a home.
The abortions I'm discussing here are specifically women who make this decision based on their economic circumstances. Based on research, women have abortions for multiple reasons, often chief among them is financial inability to care for a child. So let's just work on that for now.
What if abortion due to lack of financial capacity to raise a child stopped tomorrow? Would you be done or would you step up and help all those women and men who carried their babies to term and now don't have the ability, means, or help to take care of that child? Are you doing that now?
Are you offering the woman walking into the clinic a ride to her prenatal appointments? Will you take her child to school when she can't? Will you take that child into your home when its sick so the parents don't have to choose between taking off work to stay with them because daycare won't take a kiddo with a fever and putting food on the table? Will you help with clothes and toys, books and medical expenses? Will you pay school fees and help get their kid to ball games? Will you do all that until the child is 18? Or will you stand with your signs screaming and name calling?
Which do you think is the more effective approach? Which do you truly think will change a woman's mind? Social media posts or actual help? What are you doing now?
Will you volunteer at a crisis nursery? Will you be more understanding of the parent using SNAP or WIC or will you continue to post about "deadbeats" and "the government tit"? Will you text about the mom in the doctor's office using a medical card? Going so far as to snap a quick picture and post with the comment, "This is what's wrong with America." Will you call for the mother to be drug tested, because she must be a druggie to be on government assistance? Will you march for free birth control or will you loudly joke about "keeping their legs together" if they can't afford a child?
Will you be aware and grateful if you are fortunate enough to have parents, family and friends who supported you when you became pregnant or are still helping you and/or your partner take care of your children? Will you judge the mom who takes her 16 year old daughter to get birth control? Will you be righteous because you have help and support and belittle those who don't or will YOU become the support? Will you donate coats and clothes and toys without having to show everyone on social media that you did? Or will you take pictures of the parents and kids receiving your "charity" caring more about your recognition than about their dignity?
I do pray to end abortion. I do. But I know that prayer has to have legs and helping hands. Condemning and judging and hate flying from your mouth and fingertips absolutely will never end abortion. It won't or it would have already. Doing, being, supporting and helping might.
When you see that little momma in front of you swiping her SNAP card, instead of taking inventory of what she's wearing and what kind of cellphone she is using, how about seeing if you can help? Entertain someone's children in the waiting room instead of posting about "trash" on public assistance. Ask the single parents you know if they need help getting their children to and from school/appointments/sports or if they need a break. How about instead of posting, you start helping.
Believe me, I understand the outrage. I also see the heartbreak. I also know that people will do what feels like the biggest payoff for them. For some people, it's relishing the delicious feeling of righteous indignation. It's the rush of the rage. For some people it's feeling superior. "I'd never do that; I'm better than you." For some people it's hiding their own regrets by getting everyone to look at someone else. I understand it, but it creates no change. It solves nothing.
If you were doing all of the above things, then you probably wouldn't have as much time to carry that torch and pitchfork; you'd be too busy cradling a baby or dropping someone's child at soccer. You'd be too busy bearing one another's burdens to press post and contribute to their hell.
My timeline is absolutely full of people posting what they are "pro" or "anti". Guns, family, America, walls, Veterans, confederate flags... and on and on and on. What if the thing you are PRO or ANTI (capitol letters, hundreds of memes, "I hate..."), was resolved in your favor? Then what?
The thing I'm seeing most lately is anti-abortion or pro-life. There's a difference, you realize? At least to me. In the broadest of terms, anti-abortion means you don't believe any abortion should ever be performed. Pro-life means believing all lives are sacred and it's our duty to care about all those lives. Even if we don't look like that person, agree with the person, their lives are still something we cherish. No matter what they have done, if you say all lives are sacred then you certainly must behave that way. Right?
I'm not here to talk about abortion or anti-abortion. I'm not going to try to convince you to think one way or the other. I'm not going to judge anyone for believing what they believe. I'm here to talk about calling oneself "pro-life" when one really means "anti-abortion". I'm asking you what you are really doing to make an abortion unnecessary for someone else? I'm asking you what are you really doing to help the women who are making the decision in this moment whether to terminate their pregnancy? Are you actively part of the helping or simply doing the judging?
I see many rants/pictures/reposts of absolute rage and hatred towards women who have abortions. I see "murderer" "trash" and "sluts". I read comments from women saying if they met a women who had an abortion they would "beat the $hit" out of them. Women who have abortions should be stabbed, shot, drowned, tortured and burned. If you are "pro-life" how do you reconcile that with wanting to kill women?
I've read stories of women who have chosen to terminate a late-term pregnancy because their child would come into the world gagging and clawing for air, seizing and writhing in pain. I've read about men who've had to chose who dies... their wife or their baby. I've read about a mother choosing to save her own life because when she said she'd do anything for her children, she had to pick between dying for one and living to take care of the others. And I've read the comments. The absolute hate and vitriol and "I would never" from women and men who have no idea what that must have felt like. Instead of "Christ-like love", I see hate on a demonic level. Jesus forgives, but commenters don't.
I read posts about people marching and I wonder how many crisis nurseries the money spent (fuel, hotels, airfare, food) could fund. I see the protesters outside of abortion providers and wonder if there isn't a more helpful way they could spend their time...a way that could actually provide a solution for a woman who believes this is her only choice.
I read the posts online and I wonder what else that person is doing to help. Because frankly, posting hate and rage and passing along information that is sometimes true and sometimes propaganda doesn't seem to be ending abortion.
If you really want to end abortion, truly end it, outlawing it won't do it. It just won't; women will have them illegally. So you're not really ending abortions, you're just ending legal abortions. What if we focused our time and energy and money on making abortions due to economic situations unnecessary? What if we created a true alternative? You can say adoption, but look at all the kids in foster care who never are adopted. Look at kids with special needs who can't find a home.
The abortions I'm discussing here are specifically women who make this decision based on their economic circumstances. Based on research, women have abortions for multiple reasons, often chief among them is financial inability to care for a child. So let's just work on that for now.
What if abortion due to lack of financial capacity to raise a child stopped tomorrow? Would you be done or would you step up and help all those women and men who carried their babies to term and now don't have the ability, means, or help to take care of that child? Are you doing that now?
Are you offering the woman walking into the clinic a ride to her prenatal appointments? Will you take her child to school when she can't? Will you take that child into your home when its sick so the parents don't have to choose between taking off work to stay with them because daycare won't take a kiddo with a fever and putting food on the table? Will you help with clothes and toys, books and medical expenses? Will you pay school fees and help get their kid to ball games? Will you do all that until the child is 18? Or will you stand with your signs screaming and name calling?
Which do you think is the more effective approach? Which do you truly think will change a woman's mind? Social media posts or actual help? What are you doing now?
Will you volunteer at a crisis nursery? Will you be more understanding of the parent using SNAP or WIC or will you continue to post about "deadbeats" and "the government tit"? Will you text about the mom in the doctor's office using a medical card? Going so far as to snap a quick picture and post with the comment, "This is what's wrong with America." Will you call for the mother to be drug tested, because she must be a druggie to be on government assistance? Will you march for free birth control or will you loudly joke about "keeping their legs together" if they can't afford a child?
Will you be aware and grateful if you are fortunate enough to have parents, family and friends who supported you when you became pregnant or are still helping you and/or your partner take care of your children? Will you judge the mom who takes her 16 year old daughter to get birth control? Will you be righteous because you have help and support and belittle those who don't or will YOU become the support? Will you donate coats and clothes and toys without having to show everyone on social media that you did? Or will you take pictures of the parents and kids receiving your "charity" caring more about your recognition than about their dignity?
I do pray to end abortion. I do. But I know that prayer has to have legs and helping hands. Condemning and judging and hate flying from your mouth and fingertips absolutely will never end abortion. It won't or it would have already. Doing, being, supporting and helping might.
When you see that little momma in front of you swiping her SNAP card, instead of taking inventory of what she's wearing and what kind of cellphone she is using, how about seeing if you can help? Entertain someone's children in the waiting room instead of posting about "trash" on public assistance. Ask the single parents you know if they need help getting their children to and from school/appointments/sports or if they need a break. How about instead of posting, you start helping.
Believe me, I understand the outrage. I also see the heartbreak. I also know that people will do what feels like the biggest payoff for them. For some people, it's relishing the delicious feeling of righteous indignation. It's the rush of the rage. For some people it's feeling superior. "I'd never do that; I'm better than you." For some people it's hiding their own regrets by getting everyone to look at someone else. I understand it, but it creates no change. It solves nothing.
If you were doing all of the above things, then you probably wouldn't have as much time to carry that torch and pitchfork; you'd be too busy cradling a baby or dropping someone's child at soccer. You'd be too busy bearing one another's burdens to press post and contribute to their hell.
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