I've been surprise "showered" twice. Once by my Aunts Ruby and Pam and cousins Addie, Alison and Mandy and my sister-in-law turned sister. Once by my SBJ friends turned soul sisters. Both were remarkable and overwhelming. Both are now two of my most precious memories. I was amazed at the love I felt, how these women, those family by birth and those family by choice simply yet enormously wanted to combine their joy with mine. Oh the love in those rooms. I'm forever grateful, forever touched, forever moved by the love.
The wedding itself will be small. Twenty-seven people including the groom and myself. It will be in my mother's backyard, where she will officiate under the pergola SB and I built (okay, he built, I handed him stuff). His daughters, our witnesses. There will be a bench my great-grandfather built, a porch swing for a guestbook, direction signs made by my fiancé, painted by his sister, with wood from the barn in my mother's yard near where the ceremony will be and from the last place I lived with my dad. There will be paintings made by his precious daughters, my nieces and nieces-to-be, my sister-in-law and sister-in-law-to-be and my nephews at a paint class we all took together. Seashells gathered on vacations together, sand from Alabama, a handkerchief of my grandmother's borrowed from my sister and my father's wedding band tied to my bouquet. There will be things that are everything to us.
When we started planning the wedding I began looking for inspiration and articles about our situation. He's a divorced dad; I'm 44 and never married. Even Pinterest didn't have anything. Eventually, we found our own way. So here is my little piece of advice for "mature" brides... do your thing. Ask his opinion. Listen to him. It's his wedding too. People will tell you to relax and enjoy the planning because it goes so fast. Let me just inject a bit of reality into that, it goes fast because you have so much to do and seemingly little time to do it. You can't relax entirely because you are so busy. Life is happening while you're planning. However, I did force myself to pause daily and remind myself what I was planning for. A benchmark. A line that will measure time going forward, "before we were married" and "after". Being married not just getting married. So yes, hold the happy in your hand for a bit and then get back to work. Don't beat yourself up or worry that you're doing it wrong if you aren't skipping through wildflowers mentally while you're trying to pick an aisle runner.
Most importantly, ask yourself "does this feel like us?". Don't let people talk you into something that doesn't feel like you. Once you make a decision about size and location, don't let anyone talk you out of it. If I've learned anything from Carrie Bradshaw it's that you can't let the wedding get bigger than the bride and groom.
I ordered my dress online (BHLDN - they are fantastic for bridesmaids too). I love it. I tried in on alone in my hallway, in front of my skinny mirror and I had that wonderful smiling with tears moment. And then had it again when my mom and sister saw it. It's perfectly me. I wanted a veil and after reading what is "appropriate" for my age, I promptly got something else altogether. It makes me absolutely feel like a bride. With the help of my friends and family and fiancé, I know I deserve that big beautiful feeling.
It was a struggle deciding who will be at the ceremony. There are many that won't be there that I will absolutely miss. I know there is disappointment on the parts of those not attending, but so far no hard feelings. They love us, so they understand. But in the end, we just want to be married. We didn't want to get lost in the planning and then the marriage get lost on the wedding day. Even with a wedding of this size we've felt so busy at times that we miss each other even though we're doing all of it together. So this small, personal wedding is what works best for us.
We're at the point where everything feels almost ready. The small details, if left undone will not undo the wedding. The truth is, I'd marry him right now in the middle of the street. My heart already feels married to him.
Speaking of my heart, it is still so full of love. Love for my family, those that I've had since my or their birth and those that are becoming my family and for my precious friends. Love for my fiancé's daughters. Love for my beloved. My overflowing heart, she's grown from all this love that I not only give but know that I've been given back, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over as promised.*
Now I just have to come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be married... while wearing flats. Ouch. I felt that one in my heart too.
Of course, they're really good flats.
#HappilyEverBaker
*The Bible has much to say about love and giving. This is from Luke 6:38.
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