he was talking and said "my wife" and he was talking about me. It's like everything inside me flipped over and all the happy floated to the top. My whole life I've loved words. I use them, too many at a time usually, and think about them and love finding new ones. Yet it's the simple phrases that seem to be my favorite right now. I love you, will you marry me, I do, my wife, my husband. Let this ring show that this is my beloved and this is my best friend. Okay, that last one was a little wordy but I think you understand.
It was beautiful and thrilling and crazy and a mess. It was perfect. My garter fell off as I first stared the bridal walk and my brother threw it on the trunk of his daughter's car. (YES a garter because hubba hubba!) The cake was crooked, wasps were forming gangs in the roof of the tents, the punch wasn't ready and we almost forgot the cake. My sister locked her keys in her car the day before. I was 15 minutes late. We underestimated the seating for the wedding. And after writing that here, I won't bother with it again. Those things are just funny little anecdotes now.
My husband's daughters were beautiful. I mean wow beautiful. They were everything one needs at a wedding. Helpful, supportive, caring, patient and oh so funny. My mom and her husband did more than I even could have imagined. They made it better than magical. My brother's family did anything and everything I needed. My new SIL and her husband pitched in and lifted and cleaned. The oldest Baker child's boyfriend, Elliott, stepped in and stepped up and helped create some of the most touching things at the reception. My sister ran errands and adjusted my Spanx and zipped my dress. My SIL Shannon did hair and makeup all morning long while keeping us laughing. One of the best things about our wedding was how much of a family event it was. Before, during and after. I'm so very grateful for all of them. They are each a precious gift.
The support online I received was beyond what I could have imagined. I got messages and texts and calls, comments and reactions and so much love and well wishes. I won't forget it. I was surrounded by love and nothing but. And all that wasn't even the actual ceremony.
We decorated Saturday morning with the help of those named above. My Shannon (Boy Shannon as my nieces and nephews call him) and I decided we would see each other the day of the wedding but not after we were all fancied up for the actual ceremony. So we spent the morning working together. I had a meltdown early on and stood in my mom's house and cried. And then after a few minutes with my Shannon, everything was better.
We finished early and he and I were sitting outside admiring how beautiful everything was and talking about how grateful we are for our families when he asked if I wanted to go for a ride on the golf cart. He drove me down the lane where we'd shortly walk toward the wedding site. We drove past the paintings made by our families at one of my bridal showers and the signs marking our day given to us by friends. We sat for a moment quietly admiring the wooden pews and beautiful trellis he'd built for us to marry under. Then he drove me past the barn and the chickens wandering in the yard to the spot where my dad's ashes are buried. It's marked with a small stone that says "Dad's Garden". Standing there I could look back and see clearly the site where we'd soon stand and say the words that I now love more than any. He had a clear view of me and I of him.
The ceremony was short and oh so sweet. The cat wandered in and made himself at home. There was a breeze and bright sunshine. I was shaking and my brother cracked wise as he walked me down the aisle. Honestly it's as if everything but Shannon is a blur. Just he and I. And the words. When I said "take you Shannon as my husband" it took a moment to say because all the happiness and love tightened my throat and again ran down my face. When he said "take you Lisa as my wife" it was as if something wrapped around he and I and we were quite simply married.
Then it was done. Kiss your bride, back down the aisle. Lots of hugging. We sat at a table at our little reception and let it go by. We danced our first and held onto each other. To use a tired by appropriate cliché, we danced like no one was watching because in the moment it was just the two of us.
I hope as you read this you can feel some of the love I felt. Even a small measure, because it was shooting out of the ends of my hair and my fingertips*. I'm still floating on it.
Then it was over. We left. It felt different the leaving with him. It felt stable, peaceful and calmer. It felt like suddenly the world was safer for both of us because we had each other. A signed paper didn't do that. The long veil and the beautiful flowers and leaning cake didn't do that. The words did. The promises did. Our hearts did.
Thank you for being part of it. You were. I felt you all there as I was waiting for my turn to walk down the lane that was our aisle. I hope you understand that after a few steps I felt only my brother and then my father and my family, the one I came with and the one we created that day. And then I only felt my husband. My husband. And then I felt like his wife.
* Paraphrased from It's a Wonderful Life. Because it is.
Photo credit to my new SIL Chris.
happening. This Friday we get our marriage license. Next Friday we rehearse. Then...it's really happening. We've alluded to getting married for several months. Things like "when we're married..." and "at our wedding...". He asked me in our kitchen, in case you're wondering. In our kitchen where we've cooked and laughed and disagreed and danced. Said he loved me and asked me officially to marry him. And I said "of course".
I've been surprise "showered" twice. Once by my Aunts Ruby and Pam and cousins Addie, Alison and Mandy and my sister-in-law turned sister. Once by my SBJ friends turned soul sisters. Both were remarkable and overwhelming. Both are now two of my most precious memories. I was amazed at the love I felt, how these women, those family by birth and those family by choice simply yet enormously wanted to combine their joy with mine. Oh the love in those rooms. I'm forever grateful, forever touched, forever moved by the love.
The wedding itself will be small. Twenty-seven people including the groom and myself. It will be in my mother's backyard, where she will officiate under the pergola SB and I built (okay, he built, I handed him stuff). His daughters, our witnesses. There will be a bench my great-grandfather built, a porch swing for a guestbook, direction signs made by my fiancé, painted by his sister, with wood from the barn in my mother's yard near where the ceremony will be and from the last place I lived with my dad. There will be paintings made by his precious daughters, my nieces and nieces-to-be, my sister-in-law and sister-in-law-to-be and my nephews at a paint class we all took together. Seashells gathered on vacations together, sand from Alabama, a handkerchief of my grandmother's borrowed from my sister and my father's wedding band tied to my bouquet. There will be things that are everything to us.
When we started planning the wedding I began looking for inspiration and articles about our situation. He's a divorced dad; I'm 44 and never married. Even Pinterest didn't have anything. Eventually, we found our own way. So here is my little piece of advice for "mature" brides... do your thing. Ask his opinion. Listen to him. It's his wedding too. People will tell you to relax and enjoy the planning because it goes so fast. Let me just inject a bit of reality into that, it goes fast because you have so much to do and seemingly little time to do it. You can't relax entirely because you are so busy. Life is happening while you're planning. However, I did force myself to pause daily and remind myself what I was planning for. A benchmark. A line that will measure time going forward, "before we were married" and "after". Being married not just getting married. So yes, hold the happy in your hand for a bit and then get back to work. Don't beat yourself up or worry that you're doing it wrong if you aren't skipping through wildflowers mentally while you're trying to pick an aisle runner.
Most importantly, ask yourself "does this feel like us?". Don't let people talk you into something that doesn't feel like you. Once you make a decision about size and location, don't let anyone talk you out of it. If I've learned anything from Carrie Bradshaw it's that you can't let the wedding get bigger than the bride and groom.
I ordered my dress online (BHLDN - they are fantastic for bridesmaids too). I love it. I tried in on alone in my hallway, in front of my skinny mirror and I had that wonderful smiling with tears moment. And then had it again when my mom and sister saw it. It's perfectly me. I wanted a veil and after reading what is "appropriate" for my age, I promptly got something else altogether. It makes me absolutely feel like a bride. With the help of my friends and family and fiancé, I know I deserve that big beautiful feeling.
It was a struggle deciding who will be at the ceremony. There are many that won't be there that I will absolutely miss. I know there is disappointment on the parts of those not attending, but so far no hard feelings. They love us, so they understand. But in the end, we just want to be married. We didn't want to get lost in the planning and then the marriage get lost on the wedding day. Even with a wedding of this size we've felt so busy at times that we miss each other even though we're doing all of it together. So this small, personal wedding is what works best for us.
We're at the point where everything feels almost ready. The small details, if left undone will not undo the wedding. The truth is, I'd marry him right now in the middle of the street. My heart already feels married to him.
Speaking of my heart, it is still so full of love. Love for my family, those that I've had since my or their birth and those that are becoming my family and for my precious friends. Love for my fiancé's daughters. Love for my beloved. My overflowing heart, she's grown from all this love that I not only give but know that I've been given back, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over as promised.*
Now I just have to come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be married... while wearing flats. Ouch. I felt that one in my heart too.
Of course, they're really good flats.
#HappilyEverBaker
*The Bible has much to say about love and giving. This is from Luke 6:38.
