if that thing, the belief that winds you up and makes you raise your fist, was suddenly gone? I'm talking about you winning your cause, then what would you do? What if the fire in your belly was suddenly put out? Would you become part of the solution or would you find a fresh hell?
My timeline is absolutely full of people posting what they are "pro" or "anti". Guns, family, America, walls, Veterans, confederate flags... and on and on and on. What if the thing you are PRO or ANTI (capitol letters, hundreds of memes, "I hate..."), was resolved in your favor? Then what?
The thing I'm seeing most lately is anti-abortion or pro-life. There's a difference, you realize? At least to me. In the broadest of terms, anti-abortion means you don't believe any abortion should ever be performed. Pro-life means believing all lives are sacred and it's our duty to care about all those lives. Even if we don't look like that person, agree with the person, their lives are still something we cherish. No matter what they have done, if you say all lives are sacred then you certainly must behave that way. Right?
I'm not here to talk about abortion or anti-abortion. I'm not going to try to convince you to think one way or the other. I'm not going to judge anyone for believing what they believe. I'm here to talk about calling oneself "pro-life" when one really means "anti-abortion". I'm asking you what you are really doing to make an abortion unnecessary for someone else? I'm asking you what are you really doing to help the women who are making the decision in this moment whether to terminate their pregnancy? Are you actively part of the helping or simply doing the judging?
I see many rants/pictures/reposts of absolute rage and hatred towards women who have abortions. I see "murderer" "trash" and "sluts". I read comments from women saying if they met a women who had an abortion they would "beat the $hit" out of them. Women who have abortions should be stabbed, shot, drowned, tortured and burned. If you are "pro-life" how do you reconcile that with wanting to kill women?
I've read stories of women who have chosen to terminate a late-term pregnancy because their child would come into the world gagging and clawing for air, seizing and writhing in pain. I've read about men who've had to chose who dies... their wife or their baby. I've read about a mother choosing to save her own life because when she said she'd do anything for her children, she had to pick between dying for one and living to take care of the others. And I've read the comments. The absolute hate and vitriol and "I would never" from women and men who have no idea what that must have felt like. Instead of "Christ-like love", I see hate on a demonic level. Jesus forgives, but commenters don't.
I read posts about people marching and I wonder how many crisis nurseries the money spent (fuel, hotels, airfare, food) could fund. I see the protesters outside of abortion providers and wonder if there isn't a more helpful way they could spend their time...a way that could actually provide a solution for a woman who believes this is her only choice.
I read the posts online and I wonder what else that person is doing to help. Because frankly, posting hate and rage and passing along information that is sometimes true and sometimes propaganda doesn't seem to be ending abortion.
If you really want to end abortion, truly end it, outlawing it won't do it. It just won't; women will have them illegally. So you're not really ending abortions, you're just ending legal abortions. What if we focused our time and energy and money on making abortions due to economic situations unnecessary? What if we created a true alternative? You can say adoption, but look at all the kids in foster care who never are adopted. Look at kids with special needs who can't find a home.
The abortions I'm discussing here are specifically women who make this decision based on their economic circumstances. Based on research, women have abortions for multiple reasons, often chief among them is financial inability to care for a child. So let's just work on that for now.
What if abortion due to lack of financial capacity to raise a child stopped tomorrow? Would you be done or would you step up and help all those women and men who carried their babies to term and now don't have the ability, means, or help to take care of that child? Are you doing that now?
Are you offering the woman walking into the clinic a ride to her prenatal appointments? Will you take her child to school when she can't? Will you take that child into your home when its sick so the parents don't have to choose between taking off work to stay with them because daycare won't take a kiddo with a fever and putting food on the table? Will you help with clothes and toys, books and medical expenses? Will you pay school fees and help get their kid to ball games? Will you do all that until the child is 18? Or will you stand with your signs screaming and name calling?
Which do you think is the more effective approach? Which do you truly think will change a woman's mind? Social media posts or actual help? What are you doing now?
Will you volunteer at a crisis nursery? Will you be more understanding of the parent using SNAP or WIC or will you continue to post about "deadbeats" and "the government tit"? Will you text about the mom in the doctor's office using a medical card? Going so far as to snap a quick picture and post with the comment, "This is what's wrong with America." Will you call for the mother to be drug tested, because she must be a druggie to be on government assistance? Will you march for free birth control or will you loudly joke about "keeping their legs together" if they can't afford a child?
Will you be aware and grateful if you are fortunate enough to have parents, family and friends who supported you when you became pregnant or are still helping you and/or your partner take care of your children? Will you judge the mom who takes her 16 year old daughter to get birth control? Will you be righteous because you have help and support and belittle those who don't or will YOU become the support? Will you donate coats and clothes and toys without having to show everyone on social media that you did? Or will you take pictures of the parents and kids receiving your "charity" caring more about your recognition than about their dignity?
I do pray to end abortion. I do. But I know that prayer has to have legs and helping hands. Condemning and judging and hate flying from your mouth and fingertips absolutely will never end abortion. It won't or it would have already. Doing, being, supporting and helping might.
When you see that little momma in front of you swiping her SNAP card, instead of taking inventory of what she's wearing and what kind of cellphone she is using, how about seeing if you can help? Entertain someone's children in the waiting room instead of posting about "trash" on public assistance. Ask the single parents you know if they need help getting their children to and from school/appointments/sports or if they need a break. How about instead of posting, you start helping.
Believe me, I understand the outrage. I also see the heartbreak. I also know that people will do what feels like the biggest payoff for them. For some people, it's relishing the delicious feeling of righteous indignation. It's the rush of the rage. For some people it's feeling superior. "I'd never do that; I'm better than you." For some people it's hiding their own regrets by getting everyone to look at someone else. I understand it, but it creates no change. It solves nothing.
If you were doing all of the above things, then you probably wouldn't have as much time to carry that torch and pitchfork; you'd be too busy cradling a baby or dropping someone's child at soccer. You'd be too busy bearing one another's burdens to press post and contribute to their hell.
