what? Engagement, done. Wedding, done. Honeymoon, done. (I still can't write about it. I'm still too frustrated. American Airlines, you suck!) Right, so now what? There's a huge let down from all the planning and the excitement. You're the center of attention and a big deal and the next thing you know, the lawn needs cut and you're trying to figure out what smells in the fridge.
Being in that newlywed love bubble has made the outside world seem so less real to me. Like oh, that awful thing happened or he said WHAT feels softer. Then suddenly it's June and we have a couple of presumptive nominees and a guy rapes a woman and only has to serve six months because we can't ruin his life and we're arguing about bathrooms and gorillas. And I'm all... what fresh hell is THIS?!
There is much I could write on these individual topics. I've begun at least three entries on them and became so disheartened and sad I had to stop. The one thing that seemed to keep popping into my head was how incredibly unkind we've all become. How being heartless and insensitive has become something to aspire to. Caring for other human beings has become something to be mocked in unoriginal social media posts. It's as if everyone is sitting back, twirling their mustaches pouncing on any generosity of spirit or kind words and calling them weakness.
I live in a very small community. I speak to my neighbors when I see them. We show each other support and kindness in times of need. We do for each other when we can't do for ourselves. Let me say that again, we do for each other when we CAN'T do for ourselves. Not won't. There is a difference. I'm incredibly lucky to live here. I've been on the receiving end of that kind of support, and I'm so grateful for it. I'm also very scared that our community will become an anomaly instead of the norm.
It seems lately, in our big beautiful world, we're expected to not do for each other, period. We need our piece of the pie and everyone else be damned. It reminds me of being a kid and hearing about the bomb shelters people put in their backyards during the 1950s. All I could think was "what about the people who don't have them? Do you really lock yourself in there and let everyone else die?" I couldn't do it; I'd want to die with everyone else rather than been that sort of selfish and greedy. It just feels so hateful and wrong to me.
That makes me weak and pathetic. I'm supposed to care about I ME MY and MINE. If someone is knocked down, I should either kick them as I pass or look the other way or take video of it so we can all comment on it later. Let me just say this, those two bicyclists who DID something when they SAW something... that's all kinds of bravery. They didn't know exactly what was happening, they didn't know if Brock Turner had a weapon. What they knew was that they needed to help and so they did. That should be an example of how we should be living our lives. ACT, DO, BE instead of filming it or deciding it's not our business. You know what "not our business" means? I don't care. It's not happening to me, so I don't care.
I do blame the political environment for some of it. It seems that meanness and anger have become virtues. It's not enough to disagree, one much deride and despise the views of others and often the other with that view. If someone doesn't agree with us, we name call anyone who doesn't beat their drum to our cause. The hate is beginning to permeate everything. You can feel it swirling around you. It's frightening. We're losing our humanity, our souls. That's not America or human to me.
So here's what I'm going to do, I'm going to be kind. I've been less than that on at least one occasion recently when I felt that a kind heart of someone I love and admire seemed less kind than my perspective of them. So I retaliated with unkindness. Thus perpetuating and increasing the anger and bitterness. I put that unkindness out into the atmosphere. I was wrong to do that.
I'm going to do my level best to not get sucked into hate filled and fueled debates. I'm not going to let my temper run my show. I'm going to do my best to treat others the way I wish to be treated. This should be easy, right? I mean I'm a generally kind person. I'm loving. I'm freaking happy. Easy. Except, I'm also human.
I'm not talking about looking the other way when I see injustice. I'm not talking about NOT speaking up about my beliefs. I'm talking about how no one ever changed someone's mind with hate. If they did it's because that hate was already in that mind, quietly waiting for someone to voice what they really thought and believed so they could chime with with their "yeah!". Kindness moves people. Even the most hateful, irrational people. Unless their hearts are really that cold and dead and even then I should still do the right thing because mine isn't.
Kindness is for the weak and the strong. It's a universal language. Sometimes your kindness isn't appreciated. It isn't your business how someone uses a gift you've given them. It's your business that you give the gift. If someone believes themselves to be so strong that caring about other's feelings seems like a weakness to them, well they are already weak. If something as small as not saying the next nasty thing you think of, if not pushing someone aside so you can for sure get yours screams weakness to you, then how can you possibly claim strength? Brought low by giving someone a hand up? Made weak by not hating the person who is not exactly like you? Not being able to live in a world where everyone thinks their own way instead aligning with your beliefs... that screams fear to me. And how can you be tough while living in fear?
It takes a brave person to extend their hand to someone at the risk of having it slapped away. It takes simple fear to be the one slapping the hand. I will manage my own soul. I will try to be the person others look at and wish they could have some of the kind of peace I have. I will encourage and build up. I will love even in the midst of hate. I will admire and support the victim and pray for the offender. I will not care that I look weak, because those judging me as that are afraid. I will practice kindness as much as possible in a world that is increasingly feeling like hell.*
*Does not include road rage. I'm going to continue to practice that, but I will discontinue use of hand gestures and horn honking.
