Having an Xmas Party...

... in February sure relieves a hell of a lot of stress.

This past weekend was our fifth annual Cousins' Christmas Party.  Yes, nearly two months after Xmas, it was on.  Busy schedules, trips to foreign lands and massages being offered in men's restrooms forced us to put it off until now.  Let me tell you, Xmas in February is BRILLIANT.  Less busy, less stress, more time to find the perfect under $10 white-trash gift.

Let me explain the attendees first. I realize you all haven't met the cast of characters, even though I believe they should all be world famous. This set of cousins is from my mother's side of the family. They are 'Haggard' grandkids. If you are a Haggard grandkid and weren't invited it's because you've BEEN invited and unable to attend more than twice (you snooze you loose - although begging for an invite would get you one) or you didn't spend at least part of your childhood in the good old Jasper County.


I am traumatized by the fact that I was oldest cousin at this thing.  My sister is usually the oldest, but couldn't attend.  She doesn't know it, but she and I are in a big fight now, because I WAS THE OLDEST.

The attendees were: My brother Randy (Goob), his wife Shannon and kids: Maddy (15), Delaney (11), Gavin (7) and Sydnee (almost 5) and Landon who is still cooking until mid-March; my cousin Danny and his kids: Andrew (8) and Grace (5); Mandy (Danny's sister) and her husband Joel; Matt (Danny/Mandy's brother) and his girlfriend Jenn; cousin Addie and her beau Tim; cousin Aaron (Addie's brother) and his girl Amanda; and cousin Alison (Addie/Aaron's sister) and her betrothed, Rod.  Confusing enough for you?

My mentor/best guy friend, Big D, lets me borrow his home, since we are too many for my place.  His house is big enough for whomever wants to stay over, enough bathrooms (5!) for no waiting and the little kids can run around and play without involving the adults.  Except for Sydnee telling us that she was confused because Grace had stolen her imaginary boyfriend. 

As is tradition, we eat a lot, drink a little and then proceed to the gift exchange and game portion of the evening.  The gift exchange is played as 'dirty santa' where each person draws a number and picks a gift in order.  Anyone after you has the right to steal your gift.  All gifts must either cost less than $10 if purchased new, or they can be some old crap lying about your house you think someone else would just LOVE to have.  Gifts this year ranged from an old DVD recorder with unmatching remote, to a leg humping dog (he made his third appearance this year) to truck stop 'accessories'.  The most popular gifts were brought by first time attendee Jenn, a minature garden pirate and by Maddy, lovely pink lawn flamingos.  I have a feeling we may see those gifts again next year.

After the white elephant gift exchange (white TRASH - as Dan calls it), we move onto the much anticipated game.  My family takes this stuff seriously, especially the boys.  I usually run the game (control freak that I am), and we play boys against girls.  These aren't your traditional board games or video games. These games are created specifically for this group in order to produce the maximum amount of shouting, "they always get the easy ones" or "I call shenanigans".  The more yelling and bitching, the better, in our opinion.  The drama makes it more fun.  No one is truly disgruntled; it's all in good fun.

Games in years past have included a scavenger hunt, a form of Pictionary, an indoor relay race, Name That Tune using my personal iPod. This year we did a combination of Haggard Pictionary and Name That Tune.  Team members drew a ball out of a bag: pink ball = pictionary, blue ball = name a tune.  And no, the innuendo and snickering about the balls never got old.  This year the girls won!  The boys believe it is a tainted win, not for any particular reason except they lost.  That's reason enough for the boys.

Awards were given for an MVP for each team, Jenn for the girls and Dan for the boys.  Awards were also given for best drawing that led to a correct guess.  Joel won for his version of "Octomom" - it involved an octopus and well...babies entering the world by the natural route.  Rodney won for his drawing of what was supposed to be Michael Jackson.  I honestly did not see Michael anywhere in the drawing...no one glove, no red jacket...just little boys.  (Sorry Jill and Keri).  No worries folks, the little ones were in another room and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have been able to tell what this bad art was.  We did have a round for Grace and Syd.  (Gav and Andrew were uninterested in what we were doing.) Sydnee's version of a square was fantastic, even though her word was 'triangle'.  Grace can draw a mean circle and does a wonderful job of making a lower case 'a'. 

For the second year in a row, there were a couple vicious games of musical chairs.  I fancy myself a non-competitive person, but I knocked little Grace out of a chair and tried to cheat to beat my niece, Maddy.  As is the case, cheaters never win, so Maddy went on to victory. 

I love this party.  I love being under the same roof as these cousins with whom I've played house and tractors.  Who played in Grandma's sandbox inside an old tractor tire.  With whom we rolled our eyes as teenagers during family meals.  Whom we've cheered for and worried after and cried with and fought with.  I love the new people we've added; the spouses and significant others and the next generation of cousins.  I love the screaming and yelling during the game.  (It seriously doesn't make me think you don't like the game, the opposite is true - I know you are loving it!)  I love the shocking gifts from the quiet cousins, like the candy pasties with tassels from Aaron and how sweet, precious Addie stole the humping dog during the gift exchange.  I love how Mandy throws her head back to laugh.  I love that Danny is always loveable, calm Danny and how Matt tells us to stop hating and bitching.  I love that Alison can still make us shake our head and remember how YOUNG 22 really is.  I love that Shannon is so much part of the family it's like she never wasn't there.  I love that Randy has found his psycho competitive soulmate in Joel.  We're all getting to know Tim and Rodney and Jenn and Amanda and hoping they all stick around.  I think everyone else loves it too. I especially love that we've chosen to stay close as a family, even though we don't all still live in J.C.

For those of you who aren't a Haggard Grandkid, play a game of chairs with kids and grown-ups.  You'll be surprised at how you laugh yourself silly.  Just don't shove a 5 year old off a chair.  I'm pretty sure that's punishable by hell.  Or at least merciless teasing by folks you love.